If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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