if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
