guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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