he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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