I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
