how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
