omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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