FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
