Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Boobs are out for the taking
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
