my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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