I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
