I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
