Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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