There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
