U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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