I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
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literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
my liver is dry heaving
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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