So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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