I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
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get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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