I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
