Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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