playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won