He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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