If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
