My room smells like vodka and shame
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
