Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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