Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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