just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
