Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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