I got chris browned last night
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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