Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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