I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
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I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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