i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so let's talk penis.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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