Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we're making bets on your personal life
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
