Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
