i think my tv is drunk
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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