I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
