So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
