batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
