I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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