One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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