Moan for me like Helen Keller
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
