i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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