guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
