I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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