that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
