I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
