my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize