i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
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Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
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Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Couch. On fire.
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