Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
