your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He shit in the fireplace
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
