i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
