My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
