i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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