Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
