There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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