Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Randomize
