If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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