did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
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He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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